What do I know?

I find that the proverb that says, “It’s much better to have friends nearby than family far away.” is proving to be very true. I know that I have people that care about me in life, but to be far away from them all is very difficult. As I crossed the street of a major intersection walking to teach a class, with cars and people everywhere around me I felt incredibly and deeply lonely. Not alone – lonely. I’m not alone for two reasons first there were thousands of people around me and second, Jesus walks with me daily. More so it was the awareness of my anonymity in this town and amongst this community, which is such a vast contrast to the life I’ve lived thus far. There are moments when I think, "what in the heck am I doing here?", and then I remember that this Christian life lived surrendered is not about our comfort. I know that here is where I am to be right now. The questioning is more about if I can do what I need to do in order to live here successfully.

I don’t know if I’m capable of not caring about having access to food I like or the comforts of home. I don’t know if I can handle the cold or the hard bed. I don’t know if I’m selfless enough or surrendered enough. I don’t know if I want to give up certain amounts of control. I don’t know if I care enough to learn the language and communicate with these people. I don’t know if I have the patience to endure not having what I want when I want it! I don’t know if joy truly is the strength of my heart or a just cool idea. I don’t know if I can love without wanting something back. I don’t know if I can “give everything” like I’ve sung about a million times.

So, what do I know? It’s not about me. It’s about Him. He died for me…redeems me…doesn’t mind my mess and struggle…His strength is made perfect in my weakness.